There is “chemistry”, there is love, there is interest, there is the desire of the couple to be together, but at the same time there are many disagreements, lack of understanding and communication. Does this ring any bells? Difficulties or mistakes in communication are one of the most common problems in a couple’s relationship.
We all go through this no matter what. I don’t want to scare anyone, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It is as perfect as it can be or you make it. Not everyone shares intimate relationship details, however, a relationship is a constant work in progress. Two different personalities coming together WILL have issues, especially if one of you is an introvert and the other an extrovert.
Here is some of the most common problems couples phase in when it comes to communication.
One of the most common mistakes is the lack of dialogue! Not only in a romantic relationship but also in friendships and family relationships. How does this happen when two people sit together to discuss and engage in dialogue? More often than you think, people do not engage in dialogue but monologue. This means that everyone exposes opinions, supporting them with vigor, insisting on them, trying to convince the other that these opinions/beliefs are right and useful, but … we don’t hear what our partner has to say. To express one’s opinion without listening to our partner’s opinion can not only lead to a wrong decision (because certain facts have not been taken into account), but it also leads to feeling bitter and frustrated. In other cases, he/she is just not interested on the topic or is thinking about something else and just cant wait for you to finish…. I know, not nice!!
Another common misconduct is the assumptions made by someone. Quite often a conversation begins by telling ourselves “this how I will answer to that,” or “I know what he’s thinking.” No matter how well we know our other half, we can’t know exactly what has happened or what they are thinking, only suppose it. The problem is that we are making assumptions about what the other person will tell us based on our own fears and insecurities, resulting us to easily become aggressive or negative, reacting in advance to what we believe the other person will tell us, not to what he or she will really say.
In other cases, one can express opinion differently from that of their partner, who considers that the other person has been sitting at the sideline and accusing him of something. When someone is not sure about themselves, has a lot of doubts, or does not clear up basic issues with his partner, he ends up being tortured by confused situations that would be clearer if there was clear communication.
Ignorance of the Rules of Disagreement
Indeed, many people do not know how to … disagree! Clearly, disagreeing does not mean that I offend, diminish, belittle, blame, insult or yell and whine with the other person. Disagreeing means that I have specific ideas or views on an issue that I account, since I have listened carefully to another’s views. The argument uses reasoning and data, in which there shouldn’t be attempts to belittle or offend the interlocutor.
Control and Enforcement
Again, people fall into the trap of wanting to impose their opinion, wishing to control the conversation and by extension the relationship. The result, there can be no proper dialogue, since behind what the person says is the need to control his interlocutor.
Absolute Point of View
Even when we think we are right, it is only appropriate to be able to hear another view, to consider the matter from another perspective. When you are absolute and you’re not putting water in your wine, it is like having a limited field of vision in your life and seeing everything black and white, which is restrictive, since you deprives yourself of all the shades of gray.
Ways to Improve Communication
Should each of us think about why he or she does the conversation: does he want to talk about a subject in general? Should a decision be made? Does anything need to be done? Does he want to know anything? Does she want to show her personal opinion? Whatever the case, one should start willingly to listen to the other. Still, it is important not to interrupt the other and to let them complete their process of thinking.
Don’t get me wrong, all couples have disagreements. It is all about how you settle them. A healthy discussion between a couple, without being self centered would save a lot of heartache. I mean you must love your partner to be with them, so why not worry about their feelings equally as you worry about your own?
At the end of the day we should have arguments, but don’t try to exert emotional extortion. It is good to start the conversation with the “I” and not with “you”, which often makes the other feel that he is accused of something.
When there is a good mood between two people to communicate and through the conversation to reveal pieces of themselves to each other, they can, with practice and well-intentioned, enter the process of true dialogue.
Is there any experiences you’d like to share?